A New Confederacy of Dunces

A group of Christian activists, declaring same-sex marriage in Massachusetts the "straw that broke the camel's back", have begun an effort to have one state -- they've chosen South Carolina over runners-up Mississippi and Alabama -- secede from the union to become its own sovreign Christian state.

And you know what I say, with apologies to the good people of South Carolina:

Onward Christian Soldiers! Good luck! God bless!

Seriously, kids, go ahead. Mobilize. Organize. Force us to take a star off the flag. (Maybe we'll just finally add DC or Puerto Rico to spite you.) The Palmetto State is a small price to pay.

While I have family in South Carolina, they can just move a couple miles north to Charlotte if they want to keep their citizenship. I have great memories of the state as well -- though many of them involve a trip to the waterslides of Heritage USA --the Christian-themed amusement park built by Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker pre-Jessica Hahn and it's a decaying ghost town now. While South Carolina still has a lot to offer -- for example, Myrtle Beach and half of Carowinds (the amusement park is in both North Carolina and South Carolina -- I found it fascinating to be able to straddle the line and be in two states at once), I think we can do without it to get rid of these dumbasses.

And I don't say this because I'm an anti-Christian bigot. Or even because I'm anti-bigot. I say this because I'm anti-dumbass -- and while we can't herd all the dumbasses up and put them in a camp, if they choose to move to the same place, I'll be sure to hold the door open, even if I do let it hit them in their dumbass ass on the way out.

Dumbass too harsh? Though their website provides plenty of proof, I'll let these three points speak for themselves:

1) The website refers to the once-trend-setting, now-trend-chasing music network as "MTv" -- perhaps the lower case "v" reflects the fact that the network doesn't show videos any more or lacks vision -- but I'm pretty sure it's just stupidity.

2) The exodus to South Carolina will take place either when they have 50,000 people as Level 1 members (committed to move no matter what) or 50,000 people as Level 1 or Level 2 members. Level 2 members are people who are committed to move -- but only after gay marriage has been legalized nationwide. So though the organization fully believes that the United States can no longer be saved as a whole (due in part to the influence of "MTv") and that they "must fulfill [their] responsibility to stand for God's laws in the face of evil" -- they'll do it on our gay agenda timetable if they can't make a real commitment. Dumbasses.

3) Though they have a plan to secede, they don't really have an idea on how the country might succeed. When asked group president, math teacher, and cell phone dealer Cory Burnell says:

"Independence first, details later."

Not exactly an awe-inspiring quote from the wannabe Founding Father.

* * * * *

"We have solved, by fair experiment, the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are the inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries." --Thomas Jefferson.

Nearly 200 years later, for better or for worse, I'll stick with what Jefferson set-up as the target. But if Christian Exodus wants to make a run for the borders and re-mount the bulls-eye, be my guest.

And anyway, just think how cool it would be for Carowinds to be in two COUNTRIES at once -- one saved, one damned. Hell Heck, they even might find somebody to re-open Heritage USA.

Comments

[river selkie]

And anyway, just think how cool it would be for Carowinds to be in two COUNTRIES at once -- one saved, one damned.

oh my! priceless. hahahhaha.

[Calvin Stephenson]

Are we not all human beings? I am not a homosexual, but I do believe that this is nothing more than anoather fourm of racism. Gay or Straight we can all live side by side. This is nothing more than the fight for Equal Rights
in the 50's, this is a mirror image with just a little twist. Afterall do you think the majority of the gay population is going to move out even if you doo pass a bill making Homosexuality elligal.For the record I am not gay but do stand up for "Gay Rights".