Doedermara

My Reagan Tribute

via Andrew Sullivan, yet still worthy to post here in its entirety.

Transcript of a press conference by Larry Speakes, presidential spokesman, on October 15, 1982:

Q: Larry, does the President have any reaction to the announcement from the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, that AIDS is now an epidemic and have over 600 cases?
MR. SPEAKES: What's AIDS?
Q: Over a third of them have died. It's known as "gay plague." (Laughter.) No, it is. I mean it's a pretty serious thing that one in every three people that get this have died. And I wondered if the President is aware of it?
MR. SPEAKES: I don't have it. Do you? (Laughter.)
Q: No, I don't.
MR. SPEAKES: You didn't answer my question.
Q: Well, I just wondered, does the President ...
MR. SPEAKES: How do you know? (Laughter.)
Q: In other words, the White House looks on this as a great joke?
MR. SPEAKES: No, I don't know anything about it, Lester.
Q: Does the President, does anyone in the White House know about this epidemic, Larry?
MR. SPEAKES: I don't think so. I don't think there's been any ...
Q: Nobody knows?
MR. SPEAKES: There has been no personal experience here, Lester.
Q: No, I mean, I thought you were keeping ...
MR. SPEAKES: I checked thoroughly with Dr. Ruge this morning and he's had no - (laughter) - no patients suffering from AIDS or whatever it is.
Q: The President doesn't have gay plague, is that what you're saying or what?
MR. SPEAKES: No, I didn't say that.
Q: Didn't say that?
MR. SPEAKES: I thought I heard you on the State Department over there. Why didn't you stay there? (Laughter.)
Q: Because I love you Larry, that's why (Laughter.)
MR. SPEAKES: Oh I see. Just don't put it in those terms, Lester. (Laughter.)
Q: Oh, I retract that.
MR. SPEAKES: I hope so.
Q: It's too late.

Reagan didn't cause AIDS. Reagan isn't responsible for its spread or even for every word someone in his administration muttered. But he was responsible for setting the tone. And this was the tone -- by action or by silence -- he set.

A New Confederacy of Dunces

A group of Christian activists, declaring same-sex marriage in Massachusetts the "straw that broke the camel's back", have begun an effort to have one state -- they've chosen South Carolina over runners-up Mississippi and Alabama -- secede from the union to become its own sovreign Christian state.

And you know what I say, with apologies to the good people of South Carolina:

Onward Christian Soldiers! Good luck! God bless!

Seriously, kids, go ahead. Mobilize. Organize. Force us to take a star off the flag. (Maybe we'll just finally add DC or Puerto Rico to spite you.) The Palmetto State is a small price to pay.

While I have family in South Carolina, they can just move a couple miles north to Charlotte if they want to keep their citizenship. I have great memories of the state as well -- though many of them involve a trip to the waterslides of Heritage USA --the Christian-themed amusement park built by Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker pre-Jessica Hahn and it's a decaying ghost town now. While South Carolina still has a lot to offer -- for example, Myrtle Beach and half of Carowinds (the amusement park is in both North Carolina and South Carolina -- I found it fascinating to be able to straddle the line and be in two states at once), I think we can do without it to get rid of these dumbasses.

And I don't say this because I'm an anti-Christian bigot. Or even because I'm anti-bigot. I say this because I'm anti-dumbass -- and while we can't herd all the dumbasses up and put them in a camp, if they choose to move to the same place, I'll be sure to hold the door open, even if I do let it hit them in their dumbass ass on the way out.

Dumbass too harsh? Though their website provides plenty of proof, I'll let these three points speak for themselves:

1) The website refers to the once-trend-setting, now-trend-chasing music network as "MTv" -- perhaps the lower case "v" reflects the fact that the network doesn't show videos any more or lacks vision -- but I'm pretty sure it's just stupidity.

2) The exodus to South Carolina will take place either when they have 50,000 people as Level 1 members (committed to move no matter what) or 50,000 people as Level 1 or Level 2 members. Level 2 members are people who are committed to move -- but only after gay marriage has been legalized nationwide. So though the organization fully believes that the United States can no longer be saved as a whole (due in part to the influence of "MTv") and that they "must fulfill [their] responsibility to stand for God's laws in the face of evil" -- they'll do it on our gay agenda timetable if they can't make a real commitment. Dumbasses.

3) Though they have a plan to secede, they don't really have an idea on how the country might succeed. When asked group president, math teacher, and cell phone dealer Cory Burnell says:

"Independence first, details later."

Not exactly an awe-inspiring quote from the wannabe Founding Father.

* * * * *

"We have solved, by fair experiment, the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are the inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries." --Thomas Jefferson.

Nearly 200 years later, for better or for worse, I'll stick with what Jefferson set-up as the target. But if Christian Exodus wants to make a run for the borders and re-mount the bulls-eye, be my guest.

And anyway, just think how cool it would be for Carowinds to be in two COUNTRIES at once -- one saved, one damned. Hell Heck, they even might find somebody to re-open Heritage USA.

Kids Today

So when I was running for high school office, I was successful running on a closted-gay/metrosexual ticket. Kids these days are more direct running on the slogans like "Gay guys know everything" which delights me.

Of course, gay guys don't know everything. But fortunately for our young politico, insecure high school girls -- an ever-important swing vote -- often think they do.

Queer Eye for the Vexillologically-Challenged Guy

Well, they're finally getting down to business over in Iraq. They picked out a new flag.

And guess what? It's American decision that people hate. (At least folks are consistent.)

My immediate reaction was, sadly, "What the hell is with the two shades of blue?"

But when my fagolicious gene quieted down (it always takes a power nap sometime in the afternoon), I thought: "Hey you don't see blue on many flags in that region? Except for say...um...Israel's?" And doesn't it take a special type of insensitivity to make the crescent (symbol of Islam) blue?

Well, now that this decision has been utterly botched (again, at least folks are consistent), the folks in charge can get around to more trivial matters before June 30. Like how or who is going to run the place. But there might be china patterns to pick out first.

Big John and Bigger Zzzz's

On Friday, John Kerry told the American Society of Newspaper Editors conference: "I will hold a full press conference at least once a month."

Those who believe in the freedom of information rejoiced.

However, sleep-aid manufacturers' stock plummeted.

Seriously, though, vote for Kerry. I guess. For more ringing endorsements, check out johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com.

"Funny thing happened on the way to Mars"

Given the current administration's (hell, let's be bipartisan -- most administrations') tendancy to bend the truth, anybody who has seen Capricorn One has to be a little freaked out by this:

Utah Is Practice Site for Mars Mission

Perhaps this is how Bush expects us to explore Mars without actually paying for it.

Sadly, I'm unable to come up with a suitable Martian polygamy joke, and for that I truly apologize.

For serious space enthusiasts, check out the Mars Society...because we humans have to make everything exclusive eventually.

Misread headline? AND Holiday Greetings!

Bombing Mars Bush Effort to Trumpet Iraq Progress

It says a lot about the current administration that after my first glance at Yahoo headlines, I thought we were nuking the Red Planet.

You know, come to think of it, that might not be such a bad idea.

I mean, the Ice Warriors were a noble race, but they're so militaristic that we maybe should be concerned. They are our closest planetary neighbors so they might pose an imminent threat. And their sonic guns are basically handheld WMDs. We've got to send troops up there pronto -- coalition of the "willing" be damned.

Yes, folks, that's two -- count 'em TWO -- needless Doctor Who references this week. Sorry -- it's just that the pictures are so fun. And this one is GREEN and therefore, relevant for today.

Happy St. Patrick's Day -- from Michael McNamara, who has the least Irish name of his siblings (Patrick and Molly for the unitiated) and has, surprisingly, only one aunt named Mary.

And now for a more site-typical holiday greeting:

He's green, he's Irish, and he's magically delicious.

Ann Coulter Crunch? O'Reilly Rocky Road?

Local dairy magnate Jim Oberweis is running for the Republican nomination for Senator. He's been running a particularly nasty campaign commercial dealing with illegal immigration -- it comes in somewhat to the right of Pat Buchannan's views on the subject. Its racist overtones are only overshadowed by its shocking inaccuracy. I was pleased to read Mark Brown call him out on it in today's Sun Times.

This whole Oberweis campaign seems like an idiotic business move. I know there's plenty of racists in the Chicagoland area, but I'm not sure they're going to change their purchasing based on the political views spewed by the owner of the cows, and even those more moderate conservatives aren't going to start buying more expensive milk just because the owner is for school vouchers. However, plenty of more liberally-thinking folks shopping at Whole Foods will never pick up a bottle of Oberweis milk again.

Perhaps this is part of planned campaign to go national with their ice cream -- as a sort of right-wing answer to Ben & Jerry's. Who says Phish fans should have all the high-caloried fun? Shouldn't there be an iced milk dessert for the Alex P. Keaton set? I can see it now -- "10% of every purchase goes to cutting down trees and the Heritage Foundation".