Doedermara

SD-Sucks

So I was a little interested in the upcoming fall ABC drama Desperate Housewives -- a soap set in the suburbs but told from the POV of a dead, possibly murdered, desperate housewife. The best part was that the dead wife is played by Sheryl Lee -- who played the also-dead Laura Palmer on Twin Peaks.

But it will have to be even better than Twin Peaks to overcome this.

It's replacing Alias.

In fact, it'll have to be good like Twin Peaks meets The OC meets a Doctor Who/Star Trek:The Next Generation crossover episode. And we all know nothing can be THAT good.

Okay, it's not exactly replacing it. But Alias won't be back until January where it's full season will air without repeats or skipping weeks. The latter is cool -- waiting 6 months for new episodes, however, not so much.

More on this later when I calm down.

Real World Meets Real Sex

Dan Renzi was the gay guy who got into this great fight about his mail on some season of the Real World I watched (Miami maybe?). I think he was from Kansas and went to high school with a friend from college. But this could all be someone else. My memory for reality stars fades quickly, eh? Like the boy you crushed out on at a bar for three weeks in a row -- you see them 5 years later and respond fondly, but have no clue from where or when you know them. (Yet, I can rattle off the names of the original Facts of Life girls like nobody's business -- viva la scripted television.)

Anyway, he got busted in a porn theatre pulling a Pee Wee on Cinco de Mayo.

I heard this rumor last night -- because these days, as will soon be scientifically proven, the gays prefer gossipping about homo reality stars over having anal sex -- and did a search this morning where I found Dan's own site -- where he has the balls to actually 'fess up to the whole thing.

How very un-K-Pax. Well done, Mr. Renzi.

The mug shot, however, is a little scary. Apparently, no matter what folks do to try to shatter stereotypes about "sexual deviants", even nice-looking guys still look like the "creepy guy from the porno theatre" in their mugshots.

UPDATE: The Smoking Gun, also using the turn-of-phrase "Pulling a Pee-Wee", has the blown-up mugshot -- which actually looks quite handsome.

Friends Tie-ins

(everybody's doing it, why not me?)

1) Yes, the post below really does solidify my Chandler Bing-ness. It's quite pathetic. I even do the Matthew Perry's too skinny/attractive/too bloated trick. Which Mike is coming to the Thanksgiving table? Season 1 or Season 4 or Season 7? I like to keep 'em guessing.

2) I was really afraid that all the Friends hype was going to kill whatever enjoyment I might derive from the final episode. But instead, I'm so annoyed with all the "Friends is over and I don't care because I'm better than that tripe" articles that I'm going to laugh my way through the finale even if it's just extras singing "Smelly Cat" over and over again while Ted Koppel and Gunther read the names of the fallen Ross Gellar wives.

The Death of the Sitcom

Hey, I just heard that Friends was ending. Did you know?! Wow. Such a long road, it's been. What will we do on Thursday nights? Maybe this is my chance to write an article about the Death of the Sitcom. (pause for google search) This was such a great idea that hundreds of other columnists have already written it. But that shouldn't stop me, should it? Why be creative when you can be beat a dead horse?

Seriously, though, in a week where Paramount apparently wants Kelsey Grammar back for another spin-off where he'd again play Frasier -- stretching out our long national nightmare of a pretentious metrosexual-but-an-ugmo psychologist on the airwaves for perhaps a third decade -- nothing should surprise me.

But this did: Apparently, Cameron Mannheim is up for spinning off the Eleanor Frutt character from The Practice -- which is already spinning off into a James Spader-led drama -- as a midseason sitcom.

We -- or at least the gay We who've seen Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion a few times -- know the lady can play comedy. But We also suggest that maybe she play another role; the Frutt character isn't exactly a gold mine of comic possibility. Take, for example, this imagined scene:

--------

INT. OFFICE OF A LAW FIRM

Sassy Non-White Female Secretary at desk, Ellenor enters.

SN-WF Secretary: God, girl, my momma set me up on the worst date last night. She thought he'd be great just because he was her foot doctor. But I couldn't get my hoofs out from there fast enough.

(INSERT LAUGHTRACK)

Frutt: Once a podiatrist I dated a couple of times showed up at my office with a head in his medical bag. I got him acquitted and we started dating again. It turned out he was guilty and he liked to dress up as a nun. He almost killed me too.

Secretary: Fat girl, you so crazy.

(INSERT LAUGHTRACK)
---------

Actually, as I write this, I realize maybe it could be funny -- like the failed Debbie Downer skit on SNL this weekend. Of course, that failure made it the funniest sketch I've seen on the show this season (yes, even funnier than Christina doing Samantha).

Goodbye Chicago's Rose

Always as outspoken as his stupid glasses, Sir Elton John has piped up about last week's ousting of not-gonna-be-the-American Idol Kimberly Locke...I mean Tamyra Grey...I mean Jennifer Hudson...calling the voting "incredibly racist."

Oh, those silly Brits just don't get it. The majority of Americans aren't racist. They just prefer for non-talented white men over talented black women.

I wish I was Weird Al so that I could instantly come up with a proper "Candle in the Wind" parody.

Seriously, though, this is the face of racism; the Idol voting is just stupidity.

Oh yeah, there's also a really important election in 189 days. Too bad that's not getting much buzz around the water coolers.

(Then again, like people who form their political opinions watching Jay Leno yet still vote, I haven't actually seen any of Season 3's Idol and am managing to run my mouth.)

Declaration of Greatness

I'd like to declare this last week of April National Jennifer Garner week. She's really not getting enough exposure lately.

But seriously, 13 Going on 30 was just what we all expected and most right-minded critics agreed -- not-so-good script, wonderful performance. (Roger Ebert disagreed and did his best to not seem like a dirty old man by stressing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of a 13 year old girl being put into sexual situations, even if she was in a 30 year old body. I think by focusing on this so much, Ebert seems much more like a dirty old man.)

Not only did she star in the almost #1 movie at the box office (damn you, Dakota Fanning) but Alias managed to completely not suck this weekend -- even if the "Passion of the Vaughn" torture scenes were a little much. (When you get me complaining about Michael Vartan being shirtless, you're doing something wrong.) Sloane seems to be back to 100% Full Evil (or is he?) which should take us into the season finale exactly where the show should be.

And if Ms. Garner doesn't have enough, it now seems that Goran Visnjic is in talks to play the male lead in Elektra. I'd say that's quite the upgrade from Mr. Affleck. Well done.

Six words...

...that should convince anyone to not underestimate The OC:

Paris Hilton making Thomas Pynchon jokes.

Delicious.

"`Listen, dude, no one says `bitchin" anymore.'"

...is a line from a conversation they don't have to have at The OC, according to Adam Brody, because of its youngest-ever-creator-and-writer of a network one-hour series, Josh Schwartz. Read this glowing article and be prepared, if you're over 27, to feel not unlike a failure.

Seriously, though, the program brings such joy to my life that I can't even hate him because of my jealous spite. Much.

Apparently the sentiment is going around...

Simon Gives Paula the Bird?

God, has the world just had enough the FCC or what? Is there an organized line of attack from the "indecent" side of the cultural war that I just don't know about? Are Janet, Courtney Love, and Simon Cowell the soldiers? Come on, let me in on the action. I can swear or get naked or whatever you need. Draft my indecent ass! (See, I just said "ass" -- I'm ready for battle.)

Alias Casting Spoiler

TV Guide reports that Mía Maestro has been cast as Sydney's little sister (highlight blank space for answer) for 3 episodes of Alias this season, beginning April 25. We'll see. I still love this show to death but I feel like creator J.J. Abrams and crew are constantly playing chicken with the jump the shark tank. They keep us thinking they're going to screw it up -- like with the "Sloane's Sydney's dad" thing, but then they pull back from it -- leaving us with just a further explanation of why Sloane hasn't killed her before. Like I said, we'll see.

(Rumor also has it that Lena Olin might be coaxed back for an episode. Fingers crossed.)